April 09, 2007

The Post-Globalization Dolla Dolla Bill Y'all


Jimmy Spicer - Money (Dollar Bill Y'all)
Funkadelic - Funky Dollar Bill
Madlib and Talib Kweli - Funny Money
Too Short - Money in the Ghetto

The dollar bill may not be able to stretch like it used to, but it still holds some weight. Hold on, you say? What about the tremendous fall the DOW JONES took after the Chinese decided to slow their growth rate? Can the dollar still hold it's own in the GLOBAL marketplace? Here's what economist David Wyss had to say:
"Usually when there is a shock like we had, it's like an earthquake and another shock will follow. When there's an earthquake and the shaking stops, you are happy, but rather than enjoying the comfort, I suggest securing the environment for potential aftershocks."

Dude. EFF THAT! I got money in my pocket just WAITING to be spent! Let's find out what my dollar is really worth.

Tropical Fantasy "juices." Where else, but America, can you find so much corn syrup for 50 CENTS?

Let's do the knowledge:
50 cents x (2 Tropical Fantasy "juices") = ONE dollar. Tax? There ain't no such thing in a Bodega! The dollar is lookin' good.

I've spent one dollar and I feel refreshed, but I still need some FLY GEAR for the upcoming NYC summer. And I'm not talkin' about the gear everyone has, I'm talkin' that EXCLUSIVE ish. One dollar can get me two of my very own Bihari kids (that's 50 cents each!).

Two dollars has gotten me refreshed and clothed. After all this work, a brother's HUNGRY. Of course, we return to our favorite bodega. One bag of UTZ = 1 case quarter = 5 nickels.

Let's do the math:
$1.00/($.25/bag of Utz) = 4 bags of Utz! God bless this great land!

Three dollars down, I'm FINALLY ready to find the girl of my American dreams. This is Biochemical Slang. The Macy's jewelry section just won't cut it. One dollar = one African with one rock!

Four dollars down, diamond on my neck, food in my belly, sugar in my veins, and that exclusive ish on my back, I need to stock the fridge. The lady needs to get her drink on when I take her home. EFF those cosmos! Here, the math get's a little bit tricky. One 22 OZ = $1.25. Not to worry.

($1.25/22 oz Ballantine Ale) = 6 cents per ounce!

Of course, the lady will NEED to go shopping. No problem: this girl will make you 500 bags for one quarter! That's 2000 bags for a dollar!

Let's recap, ONE DOLLAR can buy you:
  • TWO 16 oz Tropical Fantasy "juices"
  • TWO Bihari garment workers
  • FOUR bags of Utz potato chips
  • ONE African diamond worker (with stone!)
  • 17.6 oz of Ballantine Ale
  • 2000 bags
EFF what you heard! Our economy is STILL number one!

2 Comments:

Anonymous enigmatik said...

You stay on your grind son...first you lace me with the Champale goodness, now you tellin' me that I can cop all that ish for about 6 bucks?

C.R.E.A.M., buddy. C.R.E.A.M.

5:45 PM  
Blogger vik said...

even better....six dollars with NO TAX!

USA! USA! USA!

11:55 PM  

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