New York City Public School Numbers are RISING!

David Axelrod - The Fly
Weldon Irvine - Juggah Buggah
Busy Bee - Suicide

Finally, I can open up the Sunday paper and read that NYC public school numbers are on the rise. What's on the rise in NYC schools, you ask?

• Test scores? Not so much.
• Attendance? Try again.
• Graduation rates? Nope.
• Number of extracurricular activities offered? No.
• More teachers? Ummmm. No.
  
• Percentage of students who go on to two- and four-year colleges? Hell-to-the-no.
• BED BUG INFESTATION? Hell-to-the-YES!

During October and November of last year, 34 cases were reported in 24 schools. The number of cases reported more than doubled to 73 during January and February of this year.

With 35 NYC public schools considered "troubled" and "under review," what are NYC officials currently working on changing? Student disenfranchisement? Reading and math proficiency? Affordable college tuition? Qualified teachers? NYC officials are livid at the makers of Grand Theft Auto, as their newest version of GTA's setting has an uncanny resemblance to NYC: "Setting Grand Theft Auto in the safest big city in America would be like setting Halo in Disneyland," said City Councilman Peter Vallone, chairman of the Council's Public Safety Committee. A Bloomberg spokesperson added: "The mayor does not support any video game where you earn points for injuring or killing police officers."

NYC public school children were unavailable for comment.